i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize