dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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