somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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