I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
