This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh god it's open bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
