garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
