Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
