My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
