i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
