How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
love makes seman taste better
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
