even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Everyone says I win the strip club
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
