OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
