yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
