So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
