We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
