It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
