He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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