a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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