if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize