So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
