The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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