Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
