the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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