so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Found your dick twin last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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