so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
