her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
