Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
