I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
