i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
