Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
