People with herpes should wear stickers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
