rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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