That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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