I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
