Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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