so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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