WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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