i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
