We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Boobs speak an international language.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
