Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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