You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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