Tell her she can't have a vagina
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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