I wanna passion pit in your ass
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
