Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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