After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
