Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
