Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
