I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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