You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
