woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
