I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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