wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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