I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
