Define "chronic" masturbator.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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