she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
