I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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