I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
