u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
