My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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